If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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