Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
