I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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