being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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