did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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