haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
