How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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