Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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