sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
