walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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