I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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