If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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