I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
