Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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