Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
