I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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