You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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