he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
