Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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