FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no, he came in my armpit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
