I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
