just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this beer tastes like vomit already
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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