apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
