hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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