Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
