and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
