i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
last night I used snow as a chaser
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
