I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
