Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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