I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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