I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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