Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
