kristin has been a bad kristin
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
