lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
