so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
