I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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