Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
