Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Someone shattered a urinal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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