Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
