I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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