I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize