she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
