nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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