She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
