I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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