I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
