You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
