Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
