your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
