found the other keg... it's in the tree
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
