i don't like sucking hair
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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