I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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