If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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