please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
