im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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