My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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