I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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