how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
