yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
