Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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