how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
