Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize