the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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