What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
