drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
