We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
