i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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