I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
