Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm both gender and math confused
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