sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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