Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My pussy is not your playground.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
