You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
