Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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