I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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