My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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