I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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